Half Term

Well, there it is in black & white - 81% of education students are satisfied with the teaching at the University of Contempt according to the Guardian. 81%......who are these people and why couldn't I be on their course. Two possibilities, they were either generous with the rose tinted glasses on the response form or have no idea what crap teaching consists of, or maybe it is just me....nah impossible.

So its half term week and the Uni decides we are so busy preparing for our 2nd teaching placement and the 2 assignments due by Friday that we only need one day in this week. Awesome! The lecture on Monday morning was rushed because the lecturer had to teach somewhere else that clashed, the second lecture was cancelled or maybe just didn't exist. What a life of riley these lecturers lead and to top it all off in 2 weeks we are having a reading week....they get more bloody holidays than a Thomas Cook rep. I am paying for this sub standard pile of steaming horse sh*t......why can't a University follow a standard school day and teach us properly.......all we get is Module XYZ, taught study 6 hours, self study 397 hours.....it is a complete disgrace and an utter farce.

Special mention to the finance people at the University of Contempt, they decided I was part time so missed out on a £500 bursary.....I now have to wait till next month....'kin hell man!

Nobodyat the Uni has bothered to do anything about my non existant post 16 experience yet......again, pure lazy arsed entities.

On the upside I headed off to Scotland to play some golf and even the sun shone...life as it should be!

Keep Aa'had

Geordie Pride

Given to me by the kids today:

50 Degrees: Southerners turn on their heating. Geordies plant their gardens

30 Degrees: Southerners cars wont start. Geordies drive with their windows down

10 Degrees: Southerners turn up the heating. Geordies go swimming in North Sea

ZERO: Southerners head for warmer climates. Geordies have a last barbecue before it gets cold

MINUS 10: Southerners cease to exist. Geordies throw on a lightweight jacket

MINUS 100: Santa Clause abandons the North Pole. Geordies put on a coat

MINUS 173: Alcohol freezes. Geordies complain that the pubs are shut

MINUS 297: Microbiological life starts to disappear. The cows in Northumberland complain of vets' cold hands

MINUS 460: All atomic motion stops. Geordies start to blow on their hands

MINUS 500: Hell freezes over. Sunderland qualify for europe
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Paddy the electrician was sacked from the Prison service for refusing to repair an electric chair.

In his opinion it was a bloody death trap.

Keep Aa'had

Jobs

Well have started to apply for my first job, one application sent today and another half way through being completed. It was more the things that appear in job adverts that I thought might be vaguely amusing though. The following are taken from actual adverts whilst I have been browsing:

"our children include those that who have yet to learn to work with us to enhance learning opportunities".....just a hint of third reich in that one, or "experience of working successfully with children in an education setting"....would you admit to NOT working successfully with children!

It snowed today, so an excuse to miss the mundane and irrelevent session that Friday at Uni has become, the big question is....will I get a letter about attendance...I await with baited breath!

Snow

Yes yes I know, health and safety, but wasn't it just great to see all the kids and adults enjoying the snow. For once all the wordly problems disappeared and for this generation it was there turn to experience a great winter of days gone by. Familys had time to play together and that is worht its weight in gold.

A teachers lot.....

....if nothing else seems to be a relaxed one, for colleagues in Norfolk anyway. Seven schools in the County closed on Friday for a professional development day where staff were involved in 'stress reducing activities' such as Nintendo Wii games, table tennis and Indian head massage sessions. Its a grand life is it not!

Bread

Bread is Dangerous!

1. More than 98 percent of convicted criminals are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average Britain eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 240 degrees Celsius! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:
1. No sale of bread to minors
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and car stickers.
3. A 300 percent VAT level on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.