Given to me by the kids today:
50 Degrees: Southerners turn on their heating. Geordies plant their gardens
30 Degrees: Southerners cars wont start. Geordies drive with their windows down
10 Degrees: Southerners turn up the heating. Geordies go swimming in North Sea
ZERO: Southerners head for warmer climates. Geordies have a last barbecue before it gets cold
MINUS 10: Southerners cease to exist. Geordies throw on a lightweight jacket
MINUS 100: Santa Clause abandons the North Pole. Geordies put on a coat
MINUS 173: Alcohol freezes. Geordies complain that the pubs are shut
MINUS 297: Microbiological life starts to disappear. The cows in Northumberland complain of vets' cold hands
MINUS 460: All atomic motion stops. Geordies start to blow on their hands
MINUS 500: Hell freezes over. Sunderland qualify for europe
Paddy the electrician was sacked from the Prison service for refusing to repair an electric chair.
In his opinion it was a bloody death trap.